Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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