If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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