i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
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I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
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Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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