Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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