This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
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found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
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Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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