My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize