dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
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Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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