i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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