Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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