he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize