If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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