We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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