i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize