Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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