a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
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