I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize