so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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