I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize