Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
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the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
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It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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