Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
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it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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