I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
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We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
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Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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