Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
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We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
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Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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