Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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