I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
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You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
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I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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