Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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