you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize