Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize