I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize