just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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