He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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