Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
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I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
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I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Floor bacon is actually really good
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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