YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I think my vagina is haunted
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
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We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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