My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize