we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize