i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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