I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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