dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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