Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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