after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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