i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
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which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
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FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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