I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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