He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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