So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
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Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
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she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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