he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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