i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
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Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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