Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize