Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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