I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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