I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
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I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
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Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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