her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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